ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The ass gains better be worth it
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