Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Randomize
