I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
tell me about the eggs
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