rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
