It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Houston, we have a blender
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
