don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
im six kinds of drunk right now
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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