oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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