Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
