You made me cry and you don't even care
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
