these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
