everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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