6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
