Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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