I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
