I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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