the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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