i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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