She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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