I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
