Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
