her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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