Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
