Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
