Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
