So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Damn victory sex feels great
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
