chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
