you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
