Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
