farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
