this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
