I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
