I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
