Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
