She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
