I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
