Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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