I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
