the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
