...so i touched it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
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My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
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That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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