Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
