You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
