how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
