okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
