So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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