I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
