i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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