you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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