i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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