if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
