she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
