Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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