I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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