i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
