Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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