it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
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My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
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I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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